“Live each day as if it were your last!” – How exactly does that work?
Have you ever heard the saying “Live each day as if it were your last”? I myself often wonder how to do that and what it means in concrete terms. How would your last day feel? Have you ever wondered how that works?
I’ve been officially a palliative care patient for eight years now. People regularly ask me if I’ve changed anything in my life or lifestyle, if I’ve turned it upside down. My answer is always: No, I haven't.
And I'm not even sure if that short answer is true. Factually, I haven’t changed anything. I’m still happily married, I still enjoy my hobbies and interests, and I still do what I do best: crisis and conflict management. The latter still takes up about 80 hours of my week, and I’m completely immersed in it.
I also spend time with friends, gardening, volunteering at the theater, or just being by myself. And I enjoy my life. Just like before. I don’t deny myself anything, and I allow myself a lot. So, I really haven’t changed a thing.
Do I live every day as if it were my last? No, I don’t.
I wouldn’t even know how to do that. If I knew that tomorrow was my last day, I would probably be so overwhelmed by the question of what to do with this gift of limited time that I would remain relatively inactive. I would probably grab a coffee, sit on the sofa and wait. Or quickly fold the laundry? Maybe write some notes to my loved ones? Make a phone call or two? Express my love to my loved ones? Truly, I have no idea.
What do you do on a day like that?
Or is this statement meant in a different way? That maybe I’ve changed something in my life? That maybe it’s not necessarily something factual, but rather my approach to life or my attitude?
For example, I never go to bed angry. I don’t go on a business trip unless everything is “okay” at home. I no longer get upset about things that used to upset or stress me out. Is this what is meant? Or has that just changed because of my age and life experience?
I’ve always been a very active person who lives intensely, tries out lots of things, and who moves forward boldly and positively. So that’s nothing new. But have I become more aware of it?
I can certainly empathize better with other people’s crisis situations. I have a new or expanded awareness. But is awareness a characteristic of my last day? My “new” life? I don’t think so.
Maybe the above saying is easier to say than to think through?
If I have to imagine every day that this could be my last day, that I should enjoy it now... do I really want to be confronted with the finiteness of life on a regular basis? Isn’t it better to just enjoy life and everything that comes with it, including the ups and downs? To surf the waves of my emotions? Or is that exactly what is meant?
Well, if that’s the case, then it’s what I do: I live each day as if it were my last. But this saying still feels strange to me. And I’m convinced that it must have been invented by someone who hasn’t had to deal with the prospect of death in any real way.
Here is one thing that has changed for me: I have become more grateful and humble. Grateful for my parents, my loved ones, my life and my happiness. And humble towards the very same things. And towards life.
Have you ever thought about the saying “Live each day as if it were your last” and wondered how it works? What ideas have you come up with?
I would love to hear from you.
With that in mind,
Go for it, Your Crisis Manager
Food for thought: the Active Listening method
Let’s be honest: What was your first thought when you read the title of this blog post? “Active listening? Not again!”, or “What old news!”, or maybe, “I’ve heard this before, and I’ve heard it a million times in various types of training…”?
I’m sure you’ve come across this method in a number of communication training courses. You’ve probably also participated in group exercises on this subject and perhaps found them interesting. But in your personal and professional life, communication problems still occur – perhaps disputes and conflicts are even based on them – and now you’re looking for some additional and, above all, new content and tips on how to avoid them. Is this you?
Well, you’re not alone.
No matter what context I’m working in – be it communication, negotiation or conflict management workshops, mediation, conflict moderation or strategy meetings at the highest hierarchical levels – I always encounter communication problems; and it’s not uncommon for their resolution to be the first step towards resolving the conflict situation to achieve a collaborative result or an even better performance or achievement of a goal.
Do we really need new methods and approaches? Do we really need to reinvent the wheel?
I’m a fan of evolution and simplification when it comes to our interactions. But I also believe that we should start by actually applying in practice the methods we’ve heard so much about in theory.
And that’s where 99% of the situations I encounter in my daily work as a consultant get stuck.
The first step in active listening is listening. You know this, of course, because you’re familiar with the method. But how often do you actually do it? Listening. It’s not just the purely acoustic process of listening that involves acknowledging with eye contact, attention and “social grunts” such as uttering “mmm-hmm” or “yes.” No, this stage goes beyond that.
“Listening” also means focusing our thoughts on the other person. Please reflect honestly on the conversations you have: How often do you really listen to the other person without simultaneously working on an appropriate response, thinking about your next argument, or even wondering about the other person’s behavior, getting annoyed with them or whatever else?
And it’s precisely when we’re thinking about the next step that we fail to do that one key thing: listen.
Because of this, we miss specific statements, nuances, and most importantly, significant elements of the other person’s level of need – which may require us to ask more questions, clarify certain aspects or pick up important information – that makes clear, collaborative and misunderstanding-free communication possible in the first place.
Listening attentively can be tiring and requires our full concentration. As a result, we don’t always succeed at it. But if we’re aware of this communication deficit of ours, we can use the “active listening” method in a targeted manner in certain situations. The results may surprise you. Active listening may be “old hat” for you in theory, but in practice it can be a fresh, new step on your journey towards great communication.
I look forward to hearing your feedback and experiences.
Until then,
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
What does our everyday life have to do with rodeo riding?
How are you doing right now? Do you, too, feel that some days give you courage and confidence, and things just go “swimmingly?” But then there are other days when your plans are thwarted or you feel like obstacles are being thrown in your way?
I know this all too well – and I often feel powerless. It can seem like things are happening in a way that simply leaves me no room to maneuver at all. At the same time, I sometimes get the feeling that some people are better at dealing with their current weather situation than I am. Things just seem to go smoothly for them.
Please don’t think I’m checking my neighbor’s lawn to see if it’s greener than mine. I’m not. Comparison doesn’t help us at all, because every situation is different and has its own facets. But sometimes we get the impression that there are life models that seem to be more stable and resilient than others.
This feeling of powerlessness, of being at the mercy of others, is probably the biggest pain point in all of this.
But here’s the good news:
We may be a speck of dust in space when it comes to many of the things that happen around us, with a very limited ability to change them. But how we deal with situations, how we evaluate them, and even what we make of them, is entirely up to us. In the end, I think it’s our attitude towards things that makes all the difference. Maybe you’re thinking, “She can talk, but she’s not in my situation.” That may be so, and I don’t deny it. But I’m also not here to promote the well-intentioned advice to “look on the bright side” or to find something “positive” in things. I’m well aware that this kind of advice tends to make people feel that their needs and concerns are not understood. Also, things are allowed to turn out badly and feel negative sometimes. That is part of the package. But this state should never last for too long and should only describe a snapshot.
Believe me, I can relate to the feeling some people have of standing in front of a huge mountain that seems immovable and impossible to climb – at least since I was diagnosed with cancer eight years ago, and was officially given a palliative status.
In a case like that, it’s worth taking a closer look.
For those people who seem to go through life more easily, what do they do differently? Do they have a strategy? I think they do.
It appears that those people accept life and its challenges and make the best of it. They seem to be less anxious or frozen and more adventurous, more curious about what might be in store and, above all, more creative. Instead of thinking in terms of limitations, they think in terms of possibilities.
The way they ride the wave of emotions in a flow reminds me of rodeo riding.
Rodeo riders, too, are aware of their abilities and limitations, but they can only ever judge the horse to a limited extent. Most of the time, they have no room to maneuver and therefore no control – at least not over the horse. They approach the ride with a zest for intensity and challenge, and feel passionate about creatively and powerfully facing the imponderables at hand. Their goal isn’t to gain absolute control of the ride, but to stay in the saddle for as long as possible. They set different goals depending on the situation. And they’re courageous, with a deep confidence in themselves, their abilities and the outcome of the ride. They’re aware of the dangers, but – and this is important – the dangers don’t make them passive. In fact, it’s from the dangers that they draw additional strength.
If you ask these riders, they’ll confirm that it’s exhausting and sometimes frustrating. But they’ll also say that they come out of each ride stronger, that they learn something each time, and that their mental strength is an essential companion along the way. For them, the ride is a thrill. Which is why they tend to see the uncertainties as positive and appealing, rather than approaching the challenge with negative preconceptions.
Have you ever managed to successfully navigate a bend in the road in your life using this strategy? It’s called a “pattern of success.” And it’s worth recalling this experience often, because it shows that you have the energy and strength to embrace your strength. You do not have to learn this skill from scratch. You simply have to awaken this particular resource in yourself more frequently.
And guess what: Once you realize this, the rodeo ride can actually be great fun. Even when – and let’s not kid ourselves here – it remains exhausting at times and we still have a desire for everything to “go like clockwork.”
We remain confident anyhow.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you every success. And if you’d like more inspiration and maybe even some concrete strategies for dealing with rodeo rides, I hope you’ll reach out.
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager