Forgetting your own limitations or the power of the subconscious mind
In my February blog I mentioned that I was planning a trip to Greenland.
I’d been dreaming about this for many years and I have to say, I’m really not sure where this desire originally came from. But I believe it was based on a romantic idea of the landscape, the culture and the life of the Inuit.
Of course, the dream included admiring Greenland’s certainly impressive snow-covered landscape, including the glaciers, but also very specific plans such as snowmobile tours, hiking on the inland ice, dog sledding and even staying overnight in an original igloo.
No sooner said than done. I had just gone through a challenging time both professionally and personally and rewarded myself with the fulfillment of this dream. A week in Ilulissat. By myself. No travel companion, no tour group. Just me, myself and I.
I started dreaming about this trip to Greenland before I was diagnosed with cancer and before all the treatments and side effects. I was fit as a fiddle, very athletic and felt strong, both physically and mentally. Now, many years later, when I set out planning the trip and all the things I wanted it to include, I was totally excited and started booking the various items on my bucket list one by one. I happily packed all the things and equipment I thought I’d need and set off.
When I arrived in Greenland – all its roads covered in ice and snow, traveling in small, cramped propeller planes, with daytime temperatures sometimes as low as minus 27 degrees Celsius – I quickly realized that I might have been fit as a fiddle many years ago. But today? I immediately reached my physical limits. My backpack felt far too heavy. On my first longer hike, where I was sometimes knee-deep in snow, I had to deal with balance problems, due to my polyneuropathy in my feet and thereby an already unsteady gait, along with muscle cramps.
The first mental doubts followed: What on earth had possessed me to undertake this crazy journey? How could I have overestimated myself and my strength so much? And to take this trip all by myself? With no one at my side who was aware of my personal fears and doubts?!
What was I going to do? How was I going to manage the treks? The weight of my backpack? The snowmobile tour? And how in the world would I get through the cold threshold into the igloo, which felt far too small, and get out again in the morning? With my morning balance problems, significant and consistent muscle cramps and, most of all, the panic I have in small spaces? Should I stay in my room for a week and read books? Had I come all this way for that?
I have no one to blame but myself. You may be thinking that right now. And you’d be right.
So what to do?
Giving up was not an option for me. That was never my way. So, I came up with a new strategy:
Break my goals down into smaller steps. I didn’t look at the whole week all at once, but one day at a time, one action at a time. Each action I successfully completed was added to my “Great. I did it. ME.” record. You can’t imagine how good that felt.
When I had periods of weakness, I just stood still. For as long as it took. And enjoyed the scenery, the impressions, or had long conversations with locals or other tourists. These welcome breaks did me a lot of good, and I was able to not only recharge my batteries, but exchange ideas and broaden and deepen my impressions, too. I even made some great contacts and exchanged addresses for future trips. It was wonderful! By the way, this method automatically helped me to slow down, too.
I also did something truly crazy: I asked strangers for help. WOW! It wasn’t hard at all. Whether I was asking people to help me put on my spikes or something else, I just went up to strangers and asked them. It was really easy and I didn’t feel weak at all. On the contrary. And again, wonderful conversations ensued and even the opportunity to offer help in return because of course, other travelers have their own challenges to overcome.
This also made me realize that it’s not just me who has challenges and even fears in my own little universe, or who feels trapped in a tunnel, but that much younger and fitter travelers can have their own issues and need help, too. This surprised me at times and really helped me see things more clearly. I often thought to myself: “Really? You too...?” So we joined forces. Each of us with our own skills, and together, complementing each other and trusting in each other, we were strong.
And in the end, I realized something that I took home with me:
There were times when I was simply too tired to push my personal limits. Out of sheer exhaustion, I simply turned off my head and did it. Just did it. And guess what? It went beautifully and smoothly. It occurred to me that maybe my subconscious mind didn’t even know I had a handicap, and didn’t see any limitations.
What if the body didn’t even know what it couldn’t do anymore? What if it was just performing from memory? Just “did it”?
It actually worked. The less attention I paid to my limitations and worries, the more smoothly things went.
I simply didn’t let my body know what wasn’t possible.
Of course, I know that doesn’t always work, not with all limitations. And I was definitely a little awkward and stiff. But I’ve decided to turn off my head more often from now on, to follow my intuition and trust my unconscious processes.
Don’t tell yourself what you can’t do. As long as your intuition is convinced that it will work, it will work!
So: What is your long overdue and unfulfilled dream?
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
Crisis and conflict management – The importance of taking a break
Those who know me know that I put a lot of energy, passion, heart and soul into my work helping people in crisis and conflict. When I started my own business, I read a lot of books and listened to a lot of lectures about how being self-employed requires a great deal of discipline. The discipline to work and the discipline to follow through. For me, it's exactly the other way around. I'm so passionate about what I do that I need the discipline to take a break, to stop what I'm doing, to relax and enjoy some free time.
In addition to my passion for crisis and conflict management, I spend several hours a week volunteering and getting additional training, all while being a palliative care patient, receiving regular life-sustaining treatment, and being in a happy relationship. According to my friends and clients, I seem to have a lot of energy.
I fill my daily life with great gratitude and humility. I am grateful for the trust placed in me, and I feel happy and fulfilled when I’ve been able to help my clients. Of course, sometimes I experience strong emotions in the conflict situations I support and hear harrowing descriptions of situations. This happens almost every day.
In order to remain effective in such situations, I believe it is absolutely essential to manage your energy. Otherwise, you run out of breath, you can no longer listen actively, it becomes difficult to stay empathic, and eventually the quality of your support dwindles or drops to zero. That's all, but it's certainly not healthy or professional. In my view, a good crisis and conflict management consultant also needs a good strategy for resilience and energy.
People often ask me how I do it and what I do to stay strong. I've really had to think and reflect on this because I don't have an easy answer. After all, I don't feel a lack of energy. Upon closer examination, however, I came up with several aspects, three of which I would like to share with you here.
All three have one thing in common: they're a time-out during which I switch off.
Let me explain:
First, it helps to keep reminding myself that the problems I support are not my problems or challenges – I don’t “own” them. Somebody else does. I also keep reminding myself that I have done everything in my power to make things better. But in the end, it's "theirs," not "mine.” I feel for them, but I don't suffer with them. That's a big difference for me, and it means that I usually don't take the events and impressions home with me.
Another way to relax is to pursue one of my hobbies: acting. Whether it's traditional or improvisational theater. During rehearsals and on stage, I slip into different roles and can't allow myself to think about anything other than the lines I've learned and the play I'm rehearsing. I immerse myself in it. In improv, this is spiced up with a good pinch of humor and lightness, which really takes me out of my everyday life.
And finally, one of my favorite time outs: a week of vacation all by myself. I let myself drift, follow my flow, do only what I want to do, and don't fall into the trap of thinking about how I can do my travel companion a favor. When I come to a crossroads, sometimes I just follow my intuition about whether to go left or right.
When I'm alone, it's easier to get to know the locals and foreign cultures and to get in touch with myself. In fact, I can say that I have much better access to my hidden desires, can process things, clearly outline wishes and goals, and feel even more free beyond potential obligations and commitments.
This incredible feeling of lightness has an intoxicating effect on me. And it lasts.
While last year I spent a week traveling alone in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, this year I will take a winter break in West Greenland. A week of snow and ice as far as the eye can see, not many people, lots of scenery and the fulfillment of some of my personal bucket list dreams: dog sledding, snowmobiling, seeing the northern lights, sleeping in an igloo, and more. No group. Just me. I’ll be inspired, relaxed and spend time with the one person I am inseparable from: myself.
All three options are about taking time out. Time out from mental movies, obligations and looking at the clock. For me, this is pure freedom and lets me recharge my batteries.
The effect? My brain really gets a break because it doesn't need to think in terms of commitments, tasks, or deadlines.
For me, vacations have an even greater effect: My subconscious mind gets a chance to speak up, serve as an inner guide, and process impressions and experiences from crisis interventions thoroughly and effortlessly. For me, it’s important to choose destinations where I can immerse myself in nature – which means no city trips. This way, I can let my gaze wander and listen to my inner impulses undisturbed. I also try to choose accommodations that don't make me feel like I’m on a business trip.
How do you recharge your batteries? What strategy helps you?
I’d love to hear your feedback.
Go for it, your crisis manager
The “highest paved road” in the USA as a metaphor – and what that has to do with our lives
This summer I went on a journey of discovery through beautiful Colorado, a colorful state that lives up to its name.
On this trip I drove along “the highest paved road” in Colorado. What an experience – in terms of scenery, driving technique and overall experience, too! Impressive views, lots of wildlife and a beautiful landscape of ice and snow to boot.
The paved road that was proudly advertised when I entered the park was bumpy and full of potholes. Some of them were so deep that you had to swerve so far to the side of the road that you had to be careful not to fall off the edge. Because – you guessed it – there were no guardrails. The road was steep and winding. I kept seeing cars that were unbelievably wide for the driving conditions. And there they were – the inappropriate speeders. But also overly cautious, slow-moving cars. There were even cyclists pedaling uphill. I vacillated between pity and admiration for them.
Herds of mountain goats and marmots crossed my path, too, often around a bend.
As you can imagine, caution was required. The ride elicited alternating feelings of excitement, exertion, fascination, and, admittedly, thrill.
Why am I writing about this for you?
In the photo I took, you can see a bend coming up. The road seems to lead into the unknown. Of course I knew that it would continue. But in what form and in what state? I had no idea. Nor did I know what was waiting for me around the bend. And at no point did I know when the road would come to an end at my destination.
At that moment, I began to think about life in general. We all have to deal with uncertainty on a regular basis. With ups and downs. Sometimes it’s bumpy, sometimes we feel like we’re teetering on the edge with no guardrails. And then there are those inspiring moments. Wonderful encounters, amazing experiences, moments of happiness. Everything happens with a feeling of effortless concentration. Cyclists often pass us with great effort, but they’re clearly highly motivated and, from our point of view, give off an aura of exhilaration. We may be fascinated by the ease with which they seem to master life.
And how often do we not know what will happen next?
How often do we drive by sight alone?
And how often do we see a bend ahead and don’t know what’s around it?
Even so, it somehow always seems to go on.
Somehow.
Our strategy? We adjust our equipment; we switch from bike to car or even walk for a bit. Maybe we even take a breather. For certain passages we look for companions, while for others, we go it alone. And we look back with pride at the distance we’ve already covered.
And when we see a bend ahead, some of us pick up the pace, while others pause for a moment and take a deep breath before continuing. Perhaps there is an alternate route, a plan B.
What is certain is that we are not alone around the bend. They are there too: the other drivers, cyclists and hikers.
In Colorado. Out there on the road. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere. And you know what? I was driving on my own, and yet I didn’t feel alone at all. Most of the other people there were considerate and supportive of each other and offered help when needed. No one honked or got angry.
If we were to draw an analogy to life here, it would be that we need to embrace our differences, accept that everyone has their own way of dealing with challenges, and that most importantly, we need to look out for each other, support each other, and be considerate of each other.
We all have our own individual personalities and when we look back on the formative events in our lives, it becomes clear that everyone has their own story. Who are we if we don’t accept, respect and appreciate them?
In this spirit, I wish you a reflective pre-Christmas season.
Go for it, go for your goal.
Your Crisis Manager
What is mediation?
My clients often ask me what exactly the term “mediation” means. This shows that the process of mediation – which originated in the USA in the 1970s and whose history goes back much further – is still not a fully established method of conflict resolution. And yet, it has since reached Germany and grown so popular and in demand that it was even regulated by German law in 2012.
The benefits of this out-of-court conflict resolution method are convincing, and its limitations very manageable. Which is why it’s worth taking a closer look at the question above: What is mediation?
What makes the mediation process so special is that the conflicting parties are responsible for resolving their own conflict in a self-determined manner and with the help of a third party – a mediator. The process follows a specific structure, with so-called “stages.” The mediator, who remains neutral and impartial toward the conflicting parties, supports the necessary communication processes, creates a space of trust, guides them through the underlying structure and acts as a catalyst and bridge-builder on the relationship level.
For the mediator, the process is complex, as are the various ways it can be implemented – it would go beyond the scope of this article to explain all the different options in detail. But it’s important to know that sometimes, the processes naturally require more interventions on the level of the subject matter of the conflict and sometimes more on the interpersonal level of the relationship.
Particularly in the business context, it’s often only factual issues that are at stake, and these need to be resolved as smoothly, quickly and cost-effectively as possible, so that a win-win solution can be found for all parties involved. The more conventional alternative of going to court usually leads to the parties’ dissatisfaction, often takes far too long, and costs a great deal of money and time. In addition, taking an issue to court often permanently damages the relationship between the conflicting parties, rendering further collaboration impossible. This is where mediation can help.
Very often in the business context, within teams, between managers and employees, committees and management, etc., as well as in most other conflict situations – such as in the family, concerning inheritance, neighborhood, school, etc. – the conflict to be resolved is essentially at the level of relationships and needs. It is precisely in such contexts that mediation can unfold its great potential: As, with the support of the mediator, the parties examine their individual needs and seek a beneficial outcome for all, mediation enables conflicts to be resolved sustainably and to the satisfaction of both parties.
What does this mean specifically and in practice?
The mediation process is based on certain principles. For example, the selected mediator must be neutral when it comes to the subject matter of the conflict as well as to the parties themselves. At the same time, the mediator must be impartial to all parties, e.g., to balance any power imbalances. This is in contrast to a lawyer, for example, who is naturally biased in favor of the client who hired him or her. The mediator must be equally committed to both parties.
In addition, all participants, i.e., the disputing parties and the mediator, must participate in the process on a voluntary basis, but may leave the process at any time without giving a reason. In order to reach a good solution, confidentiality is paramount, as is openness and staying informed about all relevant aspects of the conflict.
Furthermore, the parties must act independently and of their own volition, i.e., they need to find the solutions that work for them and decide on them independently. If necessary, the mediator can provide support within the framework of the mediator’s impartiality. It’s always surprising to see how many people have difficulty determining what they really want, instead of just knowing what they don’t want, based on a process of elimination.
Finally, the process must be open-ended and forward-looking. Mediation is not about implementing a concrete solution or dealing with the past.
This may sound “simple” at first, but the devil is often in the details so it’s important to bring on an experienced mediator who can deal with the conflict system at hand. This always includes the individual needs of the parties.
The typical procedure is based on different stages, as mentioned above.
The mediation process begins with the so-called “opening” stage, during which the modalities are clarified, the procedure is explained in more detail and a first insight into the conflict in question is provided. The most relevant aspect of this stage is the “mediation covenant.” This means that the key thing is to create trust in the process and in the chosen mediator. Without this trust, mediation cannot work and is doomed to failure.
The opening stage leads to the “mediation agreement,” in which the classic contractual arrangements for working together are made.
This is followed by the “collection of relevant issues” as the first step of the actual mediation. The parties describe their respective issues to be resolved and formulate their respective positions. At this point, the parties are given the opportunity to express their views in an unfiltered way, and to be heard. This is a crucial point in finding a solution. Only when the parties are given the opportunity to “truly express what bothers or angers them” and are unconditionally accepted can the basis for discussion and clarification be established.
The issues collected in this way are then transferred to the “interest stage,” which aims at working out the needs, motives and emotions behind the positions and viewpoints expressed. This stage is considered the heart of mediation, as it represents the main difference between mediation and traditional litigation. In this stage, one of the mediator’s main tasks is to assist the parties in their self-reflection. Experience shows that often, the parties have not genuinely thought through their own position and tend to be unable to answer questions about their personal needs. In addition, the mediator leads the conversation from dialogic to triadic communication, ideally bringing about mutual understanding and the often-cited “a-ha” moments.
If the mediator is successful in this step, the process can move on to the “solution stage,” where the parties usually come together to brainstorm about potential solution, establish evaluation standards and agree on specific solutions, which are then recorded and set forth in the final agreement. This final agreement is a contract that can be enforced under civil law, something many parties believe provides additional security and a “double bottom line” to the process and its conclusion.
Usually, another sustainability meeting is held sometime later to check that the agreements reached have been implemented in practice.
At first glance, the requirements of the process seem fairly straightforward. But, as mentioned above, it is in fact very complex. The mediation process revolves around people and their needs in what is usually perceived as a stressful emergency situation. What mediators are dealing with is the most important thing of all: human beings and their souls.
Therefore, special attention should be paid to the selection of a mediator, and value should be placed on the mediator’s sound training and ongoing qualification.
The method itself fits perfectly into the world of agile methods and new work concepts. It works with effects and impacts and thus takes the entire conflict system into account.
If this interests you, please get in touch anytime for a free information session to find out if this great approach is suitable for your specific situation.
Going through the mediation process is a journey – a journey to yourself and to a shared solution. It can be freeing and transformative. Mutual development and growth are at the heart of what happens alongside conflict resolution. My goal is to show you how to catch your own fish, not to serve you the fish you’ve already caught.
More than 20 years of experience – in higher education, too – have led me to the conviction that mediation belongs in today’s world more than ever.
I consider it a great privilege to help people find solutions to their stressful moments. My passion for this work carries me through each and every day and is also the reason why I do what I do.
If this blog post has inspired you to learn more, please feel free to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you.
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
What we can learn from the Americans
The title of this blog article may strike you as a bit curious and perhaps you’re asking yourself: What can we possibly learn from the Americans? Maybe you’re quite critical of the Americans for all kinds of reasons – political ones for starters?
I feel the same way. I know, too, that all that glitters is not gold. And of course I see the many downsides of the US.
However, ever since I went to university in San Diego, California, as an exchange student in 1998, I’ve had a rather romantic view of many things in the US – which tempts me to travel there again and again, despite all the criticism. This year was no exception. I spent two weeks traveling through beautiful Colorado and had so many amazing experiences and impressions.
Once again, I was reminded that despite it all, there is also a lot we can learn from the Americans.
Let me tell you a story.
I was traveling alone in a rental car in the Southwest when one of my tires suddenly started going flat. In the middle of a canyon. My cell phone didn’t have internet coverage because my oh-so-great European cell phone contract hadn’t allowed me to book a Surf & Travel Pass for my time in the US. Of course, there would have been other options, but I chose to use this situation as an opportunity to enjoy being unplugged from the internet for a while. Until then on my travels in the US, I’d never gotten into the kind of trouble that would have required an internet-enabled cell phone.
So, I was in a canyon and my right front tire was leaking air. The nearest town was 23 miles away: Montrose, where I had booked a motel room. I decided to drive as slowly as the tire would allow to get as close to my motel as possible. It didn’t quite work out that way, but at least I was able to get to a Walmart parking lot that was 7 miles from the motel, and where I felt much more comfortable than being all alone in a canyon.
Shortly after I arrived there, the tire was completely flat. I tried to make a call to my car rental company in Denver. Without success. I was stuck.
I went into the Walmart and told a clerk about my dilemma. She called a young associate straight away who immediately whipped out her cell phone to find the number for the local car rental company and handed me her phone so I could talk to them.
It all became pretty complicated. They needed the exact address of the Walmart in Montrose (there is only one Walmart in Montrose and the rental car company is 2.5 miles away). Without that, I wouldn’t be able to file a claim. Okay. We got the address. Next problem: she needed my cell phone number. I gave it to her, but of course only an American number would work, not a German one. Where could I get an American number? After some back and forth, the lady understood the problem and finally accepted my German number. She said that AAA would be there within the next hour, and that I should wait and leave my cell phone on. I did.
Some 45 minutes later, the young Walmart employee found me and told me that the AAA had contacted her (not me!) to tell her that they would not be able to come today and would come tomorrow. Okay. Now what?
There I was. Still no solution, at 9 pm.
Without hesitation, the young Walmart clerk kindly offered to take me to my motel! Fantastic, right?
The next morning, I contacted the rental car company again and explained what had happened. They couldn’t believe it and immediately sent someone to pick me up and take me to my car. No sooner said than done. He changed the tire, replaced it with a spare, took me to a tire repair shop and made sure the damage was fixed. This would take a couple of hours at the most. He then took me back to the motel where I could relax and wait for the call from the garage, so I wouldn’t have to sit in the garage waiting room all that time. When the call came, the motel owner’s gardener came right up to me and said he would be happy to take me to the garage…
I thought it was all so amazing and didn’t know what to make of it all. Does this sound like normal behavior to you? How would it have gone in other countries?
All in all, I’ve tended to only meet polite and courteous Americans. Of course, the standard question, "How are you?" can seem a bit superficial. But don’t you feel more welcome when you walk into a store and are asked how you are in a friendly way? When they help you readily and kindly? It doesn’t bother me if someone means it sincerely or superficially. It makes me feel better and lifts my spirits.
I much prefer that to being grumbled at and feeling like a nuisance when I have a question about a product or service.
No matter where I found myself in Colorado – at a motel, a gas station, a grocery store or in the great outdoors – I found it easy to strike up a conversation, to feel seen and to feel welcomed. Which makes for a great vacation atmosphere.
Of course, I’m aware of the many challenges and problems in the US – from my time in California, too. It’s shocking to see the level of poverty in many parts of the country and the hardships that many Americans face. But it’s definitely not all bad. And when Americans see things in Germany that they wish they could see in the States, I feel the same way in some respects. I wish we could always be friendly and respectful to each other. I think that would be an important first step in the right direction. What do you think?
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
“How did you become self-employed?” – How I got into freelancing.
I’m frequently asked what prompted me to leave my secure, well-paid job as a salaried lawyer in a bank and become self-employed instead. Many people seem to think it was a very courageous move.
They’re less surprised, however, when I tell them that for me it was not so much a courageous move as a logical one. But how did it come about?
Well, I’d have to go into a lot of detail to explain all my thoughts and desires behind this decision, but that’s not what this blog post is about – and I certainly don’t want to bore you. So what is it about? I want to tell you about the last straw that made me take this step in the middle of the 2008 financial crisis.
I was, of course, fully aware at the time that I was earning good money and had job security. But there were two sides to that coin: I simply didn’t feel happy in my job. It didn’t match my personal strengths, nor did my personality fit into the world of internal banking structures.
I spent a long time thinking about what a good alternative might be, but I couldn’t come up with anything. It seemed that I didn’t really have access to my own resources and, what’s more, to my own desires. I only knew what I no longer wanted. So I stayed where I was.
Until something happened (be forewarned – the story might get a little bizarre for your taste now ;-) )… Are you familiar with the following? You dream so intensely at night that you wake up in the morning not knowing whether what you experienced was real or a dream? Or the dream was so intense that you just can’t shake or wash off the feelings associated with it? That’s what happened to me.
In my dream, a giraffe was running through our living room at night, calling out to me, “Go for it, go for your goal!” The dream was so intense that when I woke up, I knew that the giraffe could never have run through our living room for real. Yet at the same time, it had completely captivated me with its words and triggered something in me.
I told my husband about this dream over breakfast and he asked me what I was going to do with it. My answer came spontaneously and enthusiastically: “I’m going to quit my job at the bank today!” No sooner said than done. I wrote my letter of resignation and handed it to my manager. She looked at me in horror, or surprise, and immediately said, “This isn’t what I’m afraid it is … is it?” I told her it was. She asked me how I had come to this decision and I told her about the giraffe, beaming with conviction. She shook her head and said, “You’re just plain crazy. Well, never hold up a traveler.”
And so, as of January 2, 2009, I found myself self-employed.
Now you might be wondering, did I know what I was going to do for a living right away? No, I didn’t. I was just really sure that it was the logical and right next step and that the rest would fall into place. Suddenly, for a brief moment, the coin had only one side.
It took me a couple of months. I figured out my USP, the subjects I was passionate about. I explored my strengths and skills. And it all led to: crisis and conflict management. Dealing with difficult situations and/or people. Voilà. This has been my focus ever since, and I continue to be passionate about it. Every day and every moment.
By the way, I later realized that the giraffe symbolizes conflict-free communication in “Nonviolent Communication” according to Marshall Rosenberg. I didn’t know that at the time. And giraffes had not played any role in my life up to that point. So the dream also held an answer for me in this regard.
Why am I telling you all of this? Our subconscious, or unconscious mind, processes more knowledge than our rational mind, and we just need to listen to these processes. This is something we can learn. And visualization – like dreams for me – opens the doors to them.
This is also the reason why I allowed myself to spend the generous bonus a client had given me for my good work on what I considered a luxury: having a painter paint my giraffe dream in my favorite color, green, on a 1.5 by 2-meter canvas. This work of art has been hanging across from my desk ever since. And whenever things get a little bumpy in my life or when important decisions need to be taken, I find myself “lost in thought” staring at the canvas, trying to come up with an answer or a solution.
And now you know why I always end my blog posts – including this one – with the following heartfelt words:
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
Inspirational thought: on Monday, always on Monday ...
Have you noticed how many people choose Monday as the day to plan all the changes they want to make? Do you ever find yourself doing that?
Whether it’s changes in your diet or small changes in your daily routine, I always hear people say, “I’m going to start on Monday.”
Why is that? Is it a tentative attempt to procrastinate? After all, it might buy me a few more days until it’s time to “get out of my comfort zone.”
Or is this the first step in the famous escape movement we know from Cannon’s Emergency Response? According to W.B. Cannon, an American physiologist, we have several instinctive responses to dangerous situations. Cannon’s main ones are “flight” and “fight.” These are two neuroendocrine reactions of the organism that Cannon studied, based on animal behavior, and then applied to humans. According to him, Stone Age humans already showed both reactions when danger was imminent. The best-known example of this is the sudden appearance of a saber-toothed tiger outside an inhabited cave, threatening and frightening the people inside.
Since then, this theory has been further explored, and Jeffrey Alan Gray has added two more reaction patterns: “freeze” and “fear” accompanied by a motionlessness like “playing dead.”
Perhaps Monday has a special meaning because it is the first workday of the week. Many people use Sunday to relax, to switch off, to take a break. They always know that they want to get in the mood for the new week – for Monday – and to start the new work week refreshed. So, of course, Sunday becomes very important, with Monday right on its heels.
Well, as you see, I don’t have a conclusive explanation for the “always on Monday” phenomenon.
However, it brings to mind the fact that we should build in periods of relaxation every day. Before a change that we initiate ourselves and which is mostly beneficial for our health (e.g., change of diet, new workout routine), we should neither feel the need to flee, nor to play dead, nor to freeze. In fact, there should be no danger in the change.
Or could it be that we’re less willing to change than we’d like to admit, and that any prospective change makes us uncomfortable, even if only subconsciously?
This could also be the reason why we procrastinate.
So, what’s my conclusion here? That any change we’re deeply convinced we want to make, we’ll make right away. The changes we tend to put off are those that come from reason alone or that are suggested to us by others. Because if we put them off, it means that we’re not 100% convinced of them. Our subconscious processes put up resistance.
In this sense, my conclusion is that the change you want to make should be re-examined. Do we really want it? Are you fully behind it? Is the first step simply too big? Could it perhaps be broken down into smaller steps with a step you could take right away?
I’m very curious to hear your thoughts on this topic and welcome any comments you might have.
Have a great start to your week next Monday.
Until then,
Your Crisis Manager
Thoughts on employee turnover
I recently had a discussion with a client about the current employee situation in his company. Naturally, we got talking about retention, onboarding and the high staff turnover rate.
The way he pronounced the word “Fluktuation” (German for “turnover”) sounded a little strange to me. I wondered if it was just his dialect or the poor virtual acoustics. Even as I was pondering this, I began to like what I was hearing.
Now you may ask, what exactly was I hearing?
To my ears, it sounded as if he was talking about staff “FLUCHTuation” (“Flucht” in German means “flight” or “escape”).
And that made a whole lot of sense to me.
Not only did a recent Gallup study prove it, but countless conversations with employees come back to this very point: Employees quit. Because of the heavy workload, bad management, a bad work environment, and more.
But is it really always a flight response? I think the answer to that question is critical when it comes to identifying the levers that need to be pulled. Because it is important to distinguish between the following aspects:
Is it a movement “away from” something or rather “toward” something else? I think that makes all the difference. Because the motivation to quit is completely different in those two cases. Someone who wants to move “away” from my company has clearly gone through a great deal of suffering that has made them realize that no matter what they find elsewhere, it can only get better! Someone who is moving “toward” another position in another company has recognized what they want in terms of advancement, what position and task ignites their passion, and is offered exactly that opportunity in another company.
Therefore, depending on the reasons why people quit, it’s possible to deduce what specific change measures should be considered or even implemented in the company. The quitting is only a symptom of something. And it is precisely this “something” that we need to investigate – and it’s where we need to start.
The motivational situation or flight movement of employees can be uncovered by simply asking them. In my experience, people tend to answer this question honestly, which means that the employee is making a valuable contribution to the development of your company on their way out. Does that make sense to you?
By the way, when I told my client what I’d heard, he clarified that he really meant “employee turnover.” But he also liked my “misunderstanding” and it got us even deeper into discussing the options on the table.
Need a sparring partner on this topic? Feel free to contact me. I look forward to a lively exchange of ideas and interesting conversations, so that together, we can outline creative and customized solutions for you.
Wishing you stimulating discussions!
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
What is a “MediationRefresher” course?
My “Go for it Academy” went online in early January 2023. The Academy’s first course to be offered is the “MediationsRefresher.” And people keep asking me what exactly it is and more importantly, what it’s for. I’d like to answer these questions for you in today’s blog.
For more than ten years, I’ve been working as a lecturer and examiner at the FernUniversität Hagen (distance learning university) in the area of training and education for mediators. I enjoy this work immensely because it allows me to focus on my great passion: mediation. The wonderful thing about it is that not only can I dive into my favorite topic this way, but that I can also spend time with numerous students who are as passionate about the mediation process as I am.
One problem that already existed when I myself attended and completed this great training program at the FernUniversität Hagen, often persists today: Students postpone entering the market after successfully completing the program, either for personal reasons or because they’re faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges when it comes acquiring suitable conflict cases. And, as time passes, their expertly content knowledge fades and the courage to actively enter the market dwindles.
I understand these feelings very well, as I felt the same in 2006. At the time, I would have loved to be able to refresh all of my specialist knowledge so that I could be more confident in my interactions with clients and more courageous in my approach.
It is this dilemma that I would like to resolve now, because one thing is completely clear to me: There’s a great need for more great and passionate mediators. The process of mediation and the attitude of the mediator are precisely the right tools for resolving many of today’s challenges.
The MediationRefresher, with its numerous videos and handouts, provides a complete review of all basic mediation knowledge, as well as content for specific settings and situations that mediators are faced with in their daily work. This applies not only to conducting mediations, but also to the mediator’s own market presence and to client acquisition. Throughout the course, the entire content is illustrated through practical examples and experiences from mediations, to make applying the acquired knowledge graspable and to facilitate the transfer from theory to practice.
As I believe that the attitude of the mediator is an essential factor in the success of the process, coaching exercises are provided for mediators to reflect on themselves and improve their own attitude.
The knowledge offered is supplemented by additional monthly videos and documents, often at the specific request of participants, so as to give them immediate and concrete answers to “burning” questions.
Who is it for? For all mediators who want to refresh or deepen their knowledge and, above all, continue to work on concrete questions so as to develop further.
I invite you to take a look here: https://goforit-academy.com. And as ever, if you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me!
In that spirit, go for it,
Your Crisis Manager
© Go For It Academy
It’s done. I’ve created the © Go For It Academy. It went live on January 8, 2023.
Now you’re probably wondering what it’s all about and what I’m trying to accomplish with it. Let me explain.
Those of you who know me probably also know that I don’t view what I do as work, but rather as an opportunity to pursue my passion each and every day. And that has been the case ever since I quit my job as an employee. Since then, I’ve been driven by countless visions, but also by the great joy of tackling challenges with a solution-oriented approach and helping people overcome them.
I myself have also been faced with many challenges in my life. Some of them I asked for and brought upon myself, such as quitting a secure job, others fell into my path unasked, such as my cancer diagnosis, which catapulted me into palliative status.
But no matter what I’ve gone through in my life, I’ve always waded through it with a solution and a purpose in mind, and I have gone through many a learning curve.
These challenges have changed me, helped me better define my personality, and have had a significant impact on the level of effectiveness I achieve with my clients.
Since starting my own business, I have felt the need to help other people deal with challenges and to sharpen their knowledge, perspective and action radius in a solution-oriented manner. It gives me great pleasure to focus on people in difficult situations and conversations, in conflicts and crises, in negotiations and change processes, and to support them in overcoming them.
The pandemic situation presented me with another challenge: technology. And once again, I was able to learn and grow. The result is the © Go For It Academy.
The Academy offers various types of learning content focused on the above-mentioned topics. They give participants the opportunity to learn at their own pace, at their own time, at home on the computer or on the go via an app, to get impulses, learn techniques and methods, and generate self-effective solutions. Supported by regular ZOOM meetings, virtual coaching sessions as well as face-to-face events, the process is designed to enable everyone reach their full potential and overcome personal obstacles at any time.
The © Go For It Academy has started off with a Mediation Refresher for trained mediators. It provides a review of mediation theory and puts into practice with videos, text prompts and exercises. Aspects of marketing, acquisition and personality development methods for mediators round off the picture. If you’re interested in this course, please contact me.
More course units and topics are in development. I will keep you informed.
In this spirit,
Go for it,
Your Crisis Manager