In my February blog I mentioned that I was planning a trip to Greenland.

I’d been dreaming about this for many years and I have to say, I’m really not sure where this desire originally came from. But I believe it was based on a romantic idea of the landscape, the culture and the life of the Inuit.

Of course, the dream included admiring Greenland’s certainly impressive snow-covered landscape, including the glaciers, but also very specific plans such as snowmobile tours, hiking on the inland ice, dog sledding and even staying overnight in an original igloo.

No sooner said than done. I had just gone through a challenging time both professionally and personally and rewarded myself with the fulfillment of this dream. A week in Ilulissat. By myself. No travel companion, no tour group. Just me, myself and I.

I started dreaming about this trip to Greenland before I was diagnosed with cancer and before all the treatments and side effects. I was fit as a fiddle, very athletic and felt strong, both physically and mentally. Now, many years later, when I set out planning the trip and all the things I wanted it to include, I was totally excited and started booking the various items on my bucket list one by one. I happily packed all the things and equipment I thought I’d need and set off.

When I arrived in Greenland – all its roads covered in ice and snow, traveling in small, cramped propeller planes, with daytime temperatures sometimes as low as minus 27 degrees Celsius – I quickly realized that I might have been fit as a fiddle many years ago. But today? I immediately reached my physical limits. My backpack felt far too heavy. On my first longer hike, where I was sometimes knee-deep in snow, I had to deal with balance problems, due to my polyneuropathy in my feet and thereby an already unsteady gait, along with muscle cramps.

The first mental doubts followed: What on earth had possessed me to undertake this crazy journey? How could I have overestimated myself and my strength so much? And to take this trip all by myself? With no one at my side who was aware of my personal fears and doubts?!

What was I going to do? How was I going to manage the treks? The weight of my backpack? The snowmobile tour? And how in the world would I get through the cold threshold into the igloo, which felt far too small, and get out again in the morning? With my morning balance problems, significant and consistent muscle cramps and, most of all, the panic I have in small spaces? Should I stay in my room for a week and read books? Had I come all this way for that?

I have no one to blame but myself. You may be thinking that right now. And you’d be right.

So what to do?

Giving up was not an option for me. That was never my way. So, I came up with a new strategy:

Break my goals down into smaller steps. I didn’t look at the whole week all at once, but one day at a time, one action at a time. Each action I successfully completed was added to my “Great. I did it. ME.” record. You can’t imagine how good that felt.

When I had periods of weakness, I just stood still. For as long as it took. And enjoyed the scenery, the impressions, or had long conversations with locals or other tourists. These welcome breaks did me a lot of good, and I was able to not only recharge my batteries, but exchange ideas and broaden and deepen my impressions, too. I even made some great contacts and exchanged addresses for future trips. It was wonderful! By the way, this method automatically helped me to slow down, too.

I also did something truly crazy: I asked strangers for help. WOW! It wasn’t hard at all. Whether I was asking people to help me put on my spikes or something else, I just went up to strangers and asked them. It was really easy and I didn’t feel weak at all. On the contrary. And again, wonderful conversations ensued and even the opportunity to offer help in return because of course, other travelers have their own challenges to overcome.

This also made me realize that it’s not just me who has challenges and even fears in my own little universe, or who feels trapped in a tunnel, but that much younger and fitter travelers can have their own issues and need help, too. This surprised me at times and really helped me see things more clearly. I often thought to myself: “Really? You too…?” So we joined forces. Each of us with our own skills, and together, complementing each other and trusting in each other, we were strong.

And in the end, I realized something that I took home with me:

There were times when I was simply too tired to push my personal limits. Out of sheer exhaustion, I simply turned off my head and did it. Just did it. And guess what? It went beautifully and smoothly. It occurred to me that maybe my subconscious mind didn’t even know I had a handicap, and didn’t see any limitations.

What if the body didn’t even know what it couldn’t do anymore? What if it was just performing from memory? Just “did it”?

It actually worked. The less attention I paid to my limitations and worries, the more smoothly things went.

I simply didn’t let my body know what wasn’t possible.

Of course, I know that doesn’t always work, not with all limitations. And I was definitely a little awkward and stiff. But I’ve decided to turn off my head more often from now on, to follow my intuition and trust my unconscious processes.

Don’t tell yourself what you can’t do. As long as your intuition is convinced that it will work, it will work!

So: What is your long overdue and unfulfilled dream?

Go for it,

Your Crisis Manager

Have you ever heard the saying “Live each day as if it were your last”? I myself often wonder how to do that and what it means in concrete terms. How would your last day feel? Have you ever wondered how that works?

I’ve been officially a palliative care patient for eight years now. People regularly ask me if I’ve changed anything in my life or lifestyle, if I’ve turned it upside down. My answer is always: No, I haven’t.

And I’m not even sure if that short answer is true. Factually, I haven’t changed anything. I’m still happily married, I still enjoy my hobbies and interests, and I still do what I do best: crisis and conflict management. The latter still takes up about 80 hours of my week, and I’m completely immersed in it.

I also spend time with friends, gardening, volunteering at the theater, or just being by myself. And I enjoy my life. Just like before. I don’t deny myself anything, and I allow myself a lot. So, I really haven’t changed a thing.

Do I live every day as if it were my last? No, I don’t.

I wouldn’t even know how to do that. If I knew that tomorrow was my last day, I would probably be so overwhelmed by the question of what to do with this gift of limited time that I would remain relatively inactive. I would probably grab a coffee, sit on the sofa and wait. Or quickly fold the laundry? Maybe write some notes to my loved ones? Make a phone call or two? Express my love to my loved ones? Truly, I have no idea.

What do you do on a day like that?

Or is this statement meant in a different way? That maybe I’ve changed something in my life? That maybe it’s not necessarily something factual, but rather my approach to life or my attitude?

For example, I never go to bed angry. I don’t go on a business trip unless everything is “okay” at home. I no longer get upset about things that used to upset or stress me out. Is this what is meant? Or has that just changed because of my age and life experience?

I’ve always been a very active person who lives intensely, tries out lots of things, and who moves forward boldly and positively. So that’s nothing new. But have I become more aware of it?

I can certainly empathize better with other people’s crisis situations. I have a new or expanded awareness. But is awareness a characteristic of my last day? My “new” life? I don’t think so.

Maybe the above saying is easier to say than to think through?  

If I have to imagine every day that this could be my last day, that I should enjoy it now… do I really want to be confronted with the finiteness of life on a regular basis? Isn’t it better to just enjoy life and everything that comes with it, including the ups and downs? To surf the waves of my emotions? Or is that exactly what is meant?

Well, if that’s the case, then it’s what I do: I live each day as if it were my last. But this saying still feels strange to me. And I’m convinced that it must have been invented by someone who hasn’t had to deal with the prospect of death in any real way.

Here is one thing that has changed for me: I have become more grateful and humble. Grateful for my parents, my loved ones, my life and my happiness. And humble towards the very same things. And towards life.

Have you ever thought about the saying “Live each day as if it were your last” and wondered how it works? What ideas have you come up with?

I would love to hear from you.

With that in mind,

Go for it, Your Crisis Manager

How are you doing right now? Do you, too, feel that some days give you courage and confidence, and things just go “swimmingly?” But then there are other days when your plans are thwarted or you feel like obstacles are being thrown in your way?

I know this all too well – and I often feel powerless. It can seem like things are happening in a way that simply leaves me no room to maneuver at all. At the same time, I sometimes get the feeling that some people are better at dealing with their current weather situation than I am. Things just seem to go smoothly for them. 

Please don’t think I’m checking my neighbor’s lawn to see if it’s greener than mine. I’m not. Comparison doesn’t help us at all, because every situation is different and has its own facets. But sometimes we get the impression that there are life models that seem to be more stable and resilient than others.

This feeling of powerlessness, of being at the mercy of others, is probably the biggest pain point in all of this.

But here’s the good news:

We may be a speck of dust in space when it comes to many of the things that happen around us, with a very limited ability to change them. But how we deal with situations, how we evaluate them, and even what we make of them, is entirely up to us. In the end, I think it’s our attitude towards things that makes all the difference. Maybe you’re thinking, “She can talk, but she’s not in my situation.” That may be so, and I don’t deny it. But I’m also not here to promote the well-intentioned advice to “look on the bright side” or to find something “positive” in things. I’m well aware that this kind of advice tends to make people feel that their needs and concerns are not understood. Also, things are allowed to turn out badly and feel negative sometimes. That is part of the package. But this state should never last for too long and should only describe a snapshot.

Believe me, I can relate to the feeling some people have of standing in front of a huge mountain that seems immovable and impossible to climb – at least since I was diagnosed with cancer eight years ago, and was officially given a palliative status.

In a case like that, it’s worth taking a closer look. 

For those people who seem to go through life more easily, what do they do differently? Do they have a strategy? I think they do.

It appears that those people accept life and its challenges and make the best of it. They seem to be less anxious or frozen and more adventurous, more curious about what might be in store and, above all, more creative. Instead of thinking in terms of limitations, they think in terms of possibilities.

The way they ride the wave of emotions in a flow reminds me of rodeo riding. 

Rodeo riders, too, are aware of their abilities and limitations, but they can only ever judge the horse to a limited extent. Most of the time, they have no room to maneuver and therefore no control – at least not over the horse. They approach the ride with a zest for intensity and challenge, and feel passionate about creatively and powerfully facing the imponderables at hand. Their goal isn’t to gain absolute control of the ride, but to stay in the saddle for as long as possible. They set different goals depending on the situation. And they’re courageous, with a deep confidence in themselves, their abilities and the outcome of the ride. They’re aware of the dangers, but – and this is important – the dangers don’t make them passive. In fact, it’s from the dangers that they draw additional strength.

If you ask these riders, they’ll confirm that it’s exhausting and sometimes frustrating. But they’ll also say that they come out of each ride stronger, that they learn something each time, and that their mental strength is an essential companion along the way. For them, the ride is a thrill. Which is why they tend to see the uncertainties as positive and appealing, rather than approaching the challenge with negative preconceptions.

Have you ever managed to successfully navigate a bend in the road in your life using this strategy? It’s called a “pattern of success.” And it’s worth recalling this experience often, because it shows that you have the energy and strength to embrace your strength. You do not have to learn this skill from scratch. You simply have to awaken this particular resource in yourself more frequently.

And guess what: Once you realize this, the rodeo ride can actually be great fun. Even when – and let’s not kid ourselves here – it remains exhausting at times and we still have a desire for everything to “go like clockwork.”

We remain confident anyhow.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you every success. And if you’d like more inspiration and maybe even some concrete strategies for dealing with rodeo rides, I hope you’ll reach out.

Go for it,

Your Crisis Manager

I’m frequently asked what prompted me to leave my secure, well-paid job as a salaried lawyer in a bank and become self-employed instead. Many people seem to think it was a very courageous move.

They’re less surprised, however, when I tell them that for me it was not so much a courageous move as a logical one. But how did it come about?

Well, I’d have to go into a lot of detail to explain all my thoughts and desires behind this decision, but that’s not what this blog post is about – and I certainly don’t want to bore you. So what is it about? I want to tell you about the last straw that made me take this step in the middle of the 2008 financial crisis.

I was, of course, fully aware at the time that I was earning good money and had job security. But there were two sides to that coin: I simply didn’t feel happy in my job. It didn’t match my personal strengths, nor did my personality fit into the world of internal banking structures.

I spent a long time thinking about what a good alternative might be, but I couldn’t come up with anything. It seemed that I didn’t really have access to my own resources and, what’s more, to my own desires. I only knew what I no longer wanted. So I stayed where I was.

Until something happened (be forewarned – the story might get a little bizarre for your taste now ;-) )… Are you familiar with the following? You dream so intensely at night that you wake up in the morning not knowing whether what you experienced was real or a dream? Or the dream was so intense that you just can’t shake or wash off the feelings associated with it? That’s what happened to me.

In my dream, a giraffe was running through our living room at night, calling out to me, “Go for it, go for your goal!” The dream was so intense that when I woke up, I knew that the giraffe could never have run through our living room for real. Yet at the same time, it had completely captivated me with its words and triggered something in me.

I told my husband about this dream over breakfast and he asked me what I was going to do with it. My answer came spontaneously and enthusiastically: “I’m going to quit my job at the bank today!” No sooner said than done. I wrote my letter of resignation and handed it to my manager. She looked at me in horror, or surprise, and immediately said, “This isn’t what I’m afraid it is … is it?” I told her it was. She asked me how I had come to this decision and I told her about the giraffe, beaming with conviction. She shook her head and said, “You’re just plain crazy. Well, never hold up a traveler.”

And so, as of January 2, 2009, I found myself self-employed.

Now you might be wondering, did I know what I was going to do for a living right away? No, I didn’t. I was just really sure that it was the logical and right next step and that the rest would fall into place. Suddenly, for a brief moment, the coin had only one side.

It took me a couple of months. I figured out my USP, the subjects I was passionate about. I explored my strengths and skills. And it all led to: crisis and conflict management. Dealing with difficult situations and/or people. Voilà. This has been my focus ever since, and I continue to be passionate about it. Every day and every moment.

By the way, I later realized that the giraffe symbolizes conflict-free communication in “Nonviolent Communication” according to Marshall Rosenberg. I didn’t know that at the time. And giraffes had not played any role in my life up to that point. So the dream also held an answer for me in this regard.

Why am I telling you all of this? Our subconscious, or unconscious mind, processes more knowledge than our rational mind, and we just need to listen to these processes. This is something we can learn. And visualization – like dreams for me – opens the doors to them.

This is also the reason why I allowed myself to spend the generous bonus a client had given me for my good work on what I considered a luxury: having a painter paint my giraffe dream in my favorite color, green, on a 1.5 by 2-meter canvas. This work of art has been hanging across from my desk ever since. And whenever things get a little bumpy in my life or when important decisions need to be taken, I find myself “lost in thought” staring at the canvas, trying to come up with an answer or a solution.

And now you know why I always end my blog posts – including this one – with the following heartfelt words:

Go for it, 

Your Crisis Manager

Hello to you and all the best for a happy and healthy 2022!

And of course, let me also welcome you to part four of our “Good communication in an online setting” blog series. This time, I’d once again like to address some of the special aspects of the various communication levels – tonal and non-verbal, gestures and facial expression.

I’ve also added a small exercise for you – I invite you to go ahead and give it a try. Let me know how it works out for you!

Nonverbal communication

Facial expression:

It’s helpful for the speaker to have a friendly facial expression. An open smile at the beginning establishes a connection with the audience. Even if it isn’t 100% heartfelt at the beginning, as soon as a friendly person smiles back – and this is guaranteed to happen! – you’ll have created a bridge between yourself and the audience and a connection will have been made. A smile, however, shouldn’t grow into a permanent grin.

Eye contact:

Eye contact simply cannot be overestimated – it engages the audience. By making good eye contact, you as a speaker will come across as confident and believable. Eye contact shows appreciation and helps the audience to feel seen as individuals. In addition, as a speaker, you’ll only be able to understand the nonverbal response of the other person if you have them in your sight. What’s more, by making eye contact, you’re virtually “commanding” the listener’s attention.

Yet, make sure you don’t stare too strongly at anyone, as this may unnerve the person you’re looking at. Similarly, avoid letting your eyes flit back and forth too much between people as this conveys insecurity rather than truly taking in the person you’re talking to.  

Gestures:

Gestures are part of our normal conversational behavior, which is why it would be downright unnatural to suppress them during video conferences!

Gestures should underline what is being said, not counter it. Between gestures, your hands should return to a resting position – otherwise, the use of hands and arms may quickly come across as “flailing about” and distract from, instead of emphasize, the content.

Posture:

If possible, stand up during video conferences. Standing up gives you much more control over what is happening; simply by being upright, you’re giving your appearance more impact. Don’t shift your weight from one foot to the other, as this easily looks like “rocking” and tends to make the audience nervous or distract them from what’s being said.

Taking a small step towards the “audience” or video camera can underline what you’re saying. However, you shouldn’t constantly be striding forward and backward, as this also can come across as quite restless and distracting.

Tonal communication

Voice:

Your most important tool when it comes to speaking is your voice! And like any tool, it needs to be well looked after and not used carelessly. The cornerstone of your voice is your breath, which naturally accompanies us every day and occurs automatically.

We can also intentionally use our breath to make our voice stronger – and to get any nervousness under control, because if you’re breathing calmly, you can’t be agitated.

Exercise “Conscious abdominal breathing”

A regular breathing pattern calms your body down. That’s why it’s important, in everyday life, to pay attention to breathing slowly and consciously into your abdomen. Get used to a counting rhythm. Slowly count to four as you inhale and then again slowly count to four as you exhale.

Lie or sit down comfortably. Place both palms on your abdominal wall. Your middle fingers may touch each other lightly. Now direct your attention inward, to your body. Close your eyes and take notice of your body from the inside out: your body, your back, your arms, your hands, your legs, your feet. Now direct your attention to your breath. Consciously observe the inflow and outflow of your breath. When you inhale, the abdominal wall rises; when you exhale, it lowers again. Your middle fingers come apart as you inhale and touch again as you exhale. Imagine a balloon. When you inhale, the balloon inflates, growing bigger and bigger; when you exhale, it collapses completely. Let your breath flow naturally. Just pay attention to how your belly rises when you inhale and falls when you exhale. Let any thoughts that distract you slowly pass by, like clouds in the sky. Again and again, turn your attention to your abdominal wall (for around two minutes). After the next exhalation, turn your attention outward again. Clench your hands into fists and stretch.

“Resting breath” exercise

“Resting breathing” is an excellent way to calm down in acute stress situations. You can use it before any challenge, before unpleasant confrontations or in the case of stage fright – and you can also use it if you’re experiencing an acute panic attack. Repeat the exercise until you feel a definite improvement.

No matter what, you will notice an improvement. Nervousness or agitation will decrease because no new energy is supplied when you’re hold your breath and therefore, you’ll have to rely on the surplus energy in your body. It’s important for you not to hold your breath after you inhale – otherwise, you may risk a headache.

Inhale and exhale deeply. After you exhale, hold your breath and start counting slowly from one to six or to ten.

Now breathe deeply in and out again. Repeat this breathing exercise for 2 to 3 minutes or until you feel definitely more relaxed and calmer.

Good actors “lubricate” their voice before every performance. Voice exercises can be very helpful for keeping your voice in a good, strong state, especially if you have a great deal of speaking to do. Exercises can help to make your voice richer, both when you’re preparing for a performance and during breaks when you’re carrying out online mediation (and by the way, it’s equally helpful for in-person events). This in turn clearly leads to a sense of calm and a slower pace, making listening easier and, at the same time, contributing to greater confidence.

Volume, speed and intonation

A change in volume, speed and intonation makes the content you deliver more lively. Speaking too softly not only makes the experience tiring for listeners, but also conveys an impression of insecurity and makes listeners impatient.

When excited, some of us speak faster than necessary or are afraid of not getting all the important points delivered in the time we have, thereby rushing through all we have to say. In such a case, less would be more!

Speed as such is not the problem if articulation is clear and you insert pauses – make sure to pay attention to those aspects!

Remember: You know what you’re talking about, but the listeners must understand it first, so meaningful pauses are necessary for a good understanding of what is being said and as a breather for the listeners.

Conclusion

Overall, online mediation works very well. It is comparable to face-to-face mediation. Yet, it’s important not to lose your head and, above all, not to focus on the limitations of online meetings, i.e., those things you believe would work better in person than online. This sentiment becomes immediately evident for participants and makes you looks awkward, unprofessional and not very trustworthy. It is always better to be oriented toward solutions instead of problems.

Of course, not every mediation is suitable for online work. This is the case, for example, when a mediation requires a high degree of confidentiality. The risk of the other side taking a screenshot of shared documents cannot be prevented and can only be ensured by contract.

Above all, enjoy the process, enjoy the technology if you can, approach the process with curiosity, and keep learning about communication (especially non-verbal communication).

Many of our mediators have greatly improved their technical skills because of the pandemic and by now are as familiar with this type of the mediation as with in-person mediation processes.

Good luck to you! And if you have any questions, feel free to contact us any time.

Go for it.

Your crisis manager